June 1992
The wedding issue

Bowie's Secret Wedding Upstaged by Australian Wedding!

After negotiating with the Australian and Swiss bureacracies for a good four months (a feat worthy of the forthcoming Olympic Games!) the merger of the two great Publishing giants- Crichton of ``Crichton Chronicle'' fame and Standish of ``Standish Standard''- took place in the idyllic Swiss village of Gruyères at 6.00 p.m. on Friday 24 April 1992, on the same day as David Bowie's wedding in Lausanne.

The Crichton Standish couple were surprised to learn (via Canadian sources) that the prestigious ``Wogue (yes, we've gone German!) Magazine'' voted their wedding the most exclusive of the year. David Bowie was said to have been peeved.

The following are excerpts from Wogue Magazine's intrepid, on the spot reporters:

The Plot

A thinly veiled (actually, in this case, even a no veiled) disguise to bring together two noble families who, unlike their counterparts the Capulets and Montagues, were previously known to each other only by reputation. An attempt to seduce the Matriarch of the Crichton clan out of gobe-trotting retirement; to persuade and legitimise the first overseas trip of the elder Standishes; and for siblings of both noble families to generally have a good time. Oh, and not least, to launch the long term (and erstwhile reluctant to succumb) couple into a state of matrimonial bliss.

The Characters

The Protagonists:: Kim and Russell, who through a love which knows no boundaries, bring together the two noble families.
The Crichtons: Gwen - Reigning Matriarch of the Crichton Clan; erstwhile globetrotter and traveller extraordinaire. Greg, Maggie, Blair and Chaanah - The Hong Kong connection. From the exotic Far East, with French overtones, came the world renowned ``Croutons''. The elder Croutons a true match for the wine connoisseurs of the Standish family. The younger Croutons bring vigour and a touch of innocence to the setting. By their own request, they also play out the roles of Page Boy and Bridesmaid cum Flower Girl.
The Standishes: Lu - Whose exitement could not be contained. Pete - Uprooted from the earthy confines of Western Australia, he leaves his trellised tomatoes behind to embark upon a life of adventure. Tony - Who emerges, dusty, from the desert where he had been randomly smashing rocks. Mark and Wendy - Who cover their wine splattered feet and put stomping and their harvest aside until the next vintage.
The Non-bureacratic Swiss (a rare breed) Sarah Sudan - The civil celebrant, a genial country character. Monsieur Jaillet - the Pastor, a black robed figure with a permanent, amiable smile. Gilbert Gendre - The chief photographer, renowned for his skiing prowess and for being a really terrific guy.

The Stage Setting

Act One:

La Mairie, Gruyeres. A small, oak-panelled and stain-glass windowed room overlooking the castle walls of Gruyeres and the rolling lush pastures below. Scene of the couple's legal betrothment by civil ceremony according to the precepts of Swiss law.

Act Two:

La Tour de Treme, Bulle. A quaint little chapel perched atop a small verdant mound, surrounded by grazing cattle and with a backdrop of picture postcard perfect snow-covered Swiss mountains. Site where the church blessing is bestowed upon the couple.

Act Three:

The Reception, at Hostellerie du Vigniers, an intimate, très chic restaurant where the couple's party of ten dominate the available floor space. Pre-dinner drinks are taken on the outdoor terrace as dusk sets in, shimmering on the waters of Lac Gruyères below. Sigh! The repast consists of a seven course gourmet menu (Menu Gourmand) in the manner that only the French (and Swiss French) can do. To cap the evening off diners at one of the few other tables sing typical Swiss songs to the newly weds (one could almost say their harmony resembled yodelling!) Exit the couple to their love nest at the Fleur de Lys hotel within the confines of the castle walls at Gruyères while the rest of the party return to their chalets on Moleson sur Village in the valley above.

Fashion Report

The bride wore a simply stunning cocktail length dress of cream (or was it off-white?) lace over satin. The sleeves alone were unlined. The dress was hand-made by an exclusive no-label dressmaker in the suburbs of Sydney, Australia. Instead of the traditional veil, adorning the bride's head was a particularly attractive band of fresh flowers (which, through careful sleuth work the writer was able to establish had been prepared at the local florist's at Bulle!) The bride's bouquet and that of the flower girl matched this headpiece and made an attractive spring display with their pretty little white and rose coloured buds. What an attractive sight!

The groom looked classically suave and sophisticated in his black dinner suit and matching white vest and white bow tie. A small spray of white flowers adorned the groom's breast lapel. Retractions of the groom's white wing-collared shirt sleeve revealed to the observant an elegant dress watch, a gift from the bride.

Weather Report

In a visit to the area three weeks before The Big Event, blizzardy snow and thrashing rains greeted the bride and groom to be and caused not a little concern about possible inclement weather for the actual day. The couple need not have worried, however, as the weather on the day could not have been better. The small pocket of the French-speaking part of rural Switzerland turned on travel poster type weather. Given the aerated nature of the bride's dress and how she is known to feel the cold, it was certainly most fortunate.

Travel Section: Exotic Getaways

No wedding is complete without a honeymoon and what better way to spend your honeymoon than to take the family along --- Mum, Dad, Brothers, Sisters, -in-law, nieces and nephews and so on. If you're looking for something really exotic for your extended family why not try renting an eight bedroom Chateau overlooking the Loire river in rural France? If this appeals to you (and your family) we can recommend just the place.

To make a booking one needs to track down an agent who deals with properties in rural France. There are three such agencies in Australia and each will be happy to send you their catalogue of properties (usually at a cost). It is advisable to select your weekly booking during the low season as properties habitually double in price during the peak months of June, July, August. Although our lucky couple did not plan it this way, they were fortunate to secure their property, Chateau Le Buron, at the tail end of the low season.

Chateau Le Buron is and was a delightful property in every respect. It is the summer home of a Baron and Baronness who, it is assumed, most likely made their move to nearby Nantes for the bulk of the year because of the huge upkeep of such a sizeable property. The interior of the Chateau is delightful. Each of the eight bedrooms and three bathrooms on the upper two floors has been tastefully decorated. On the ground floor, the salon, dining room, living room and study are exquisitely furnished with antique furniture. Nearby and attached is the rustic and inviting kitchen of good proportions. It, like the living room and some of the bedrooms, has a large working fireplace. The wood is provided. The property itself is surrounded by green lawns, well-established trees and gardens and undulating fields of vineyards. The property has a small ornamental lake on which one can row the pint-sized dinghy that lies moored by its banks. Great for the kiddies. For the more grown up members of your party, the region is rich in Chateaux, disgusting degustations of the local grape and a host of gastronomic eateries. If you're looking for a week of pure hedonism, this is for you (and your extended family).

Film Critic's Report

The big event was well-documented with not one but two video cameras recording the event for posterity (No doubt readers will be subjected to one or both editions of these over the course of time, as is the habit of those who have embarked upon such ceremonies. But, the protagonists assure me that viewings will be on an ``on request" basis only.) Perhaps the most interesting segment of the filming, at least in the film critic's view, was the duelling video segment. This occurred on one occassion when operators of the two video cameras, Lu and Greg, suddenly found themselves filming each other, lens to lens so to speak. Tony was quick to intercede in what could have proved to have led to an altercation necessitating the intervention of the likes of Actors Equity (and other affiliated international bodies). Waving his tie amiably between the rivalling videos, those behind the lens were able to view each other in a new and somewhat distorted light. And thus only gastronomic food rather than blood splattered the vestements of the bridal party.

The Sound Track

Acts One and Two were underscored by some well-chosen and moving music. The couple had, prior to their departure from Australia, chosen particular movements from Handel's Water Music and from Mozart's Eine Kleine Nacht Music for the event. Of special significance was the song Longer Than sung on tape by close friends, Jenny and David Collins-White.